What Is Apple Rankings by The Appleist Brian Frange?

Apple Rankings (applerankings.com) is a humor-driven review site that scores apple varieties on a 100-point scale and ranks them from best to worst. It's useful if you want a quick, opinionated read on which apples are worth buying, or if you enjoy comedic food writing. It is not a nutritional database, a growing guide, or a neutral consumer-testing lab — the ratings reflect one critic's taste.

Who runs it and what it claims to be

The site is curated by comedian Brian Frange, who brands himself "The Appleist." Its own description calls it "the industry-standard, definitive, inarguable guide to ranking and reviewing munching apples" — a claim written with tongue firmly in cheek. The homepage headline reads "APPLE RANKINGS" with the subheading "The definitive list of good and bad apples."

How the content is structured

Every apple gets three things:

• A score out of 100
• A nickname (often a joke)
• A one-line verdict describing the eating experience

The homepage groups entries into tiers, from "TOP APPLES" down through "AVERAGE APPLES" to lower-rated varieties. Here's a sample of the top of the list as shown on the site:

Lower down, the tone stays consistent — Gala is "The Base Model" (68, Mediocre), and the list continues into entries scored in the 50s.

What you can actually use it for

• Deciding what to try next: If you like a specific apple, the rankings give you a fast shortlist of higher-scored alternatives.
• Understanding variety names: The site catalogs dozens of named cultivars, including newer or regional ones like Lucy Glo, Ludacrisp, WildTwist, and Kissabel Rouge.
• Entertainment: The nicknames and verdicts are the point as much as the scores.

What it is not

• Not objective testing: Scores come from one person's palate, not lab panels or blind tastings.
• Not comprehensive on practical details: The homepage listing shows scores, nicknames, and tiers — not pricing, seasonality, or where to buy.
• Not a neutral reference: The humor and strong opinions are baked in, so treat the numbers as a critic's ranking rather than a fact.

If you want a fast, funny, single-critic guide to which apples taste best, this is exactly that. If you need sourcing, seasonality, or nutrition data, look elsewhere.