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EnglishWhat Is In Lieu of Flowers (inlieuofflowers.info)?
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In Lieu of Flowers (inlieuofflowers.info) is an informational website that explains the phrase "in lieu of flowers" and the etiquette around expressing sympathy after a death. It is useful if you have seen that phrase in an obituary or funeral notice and are unsure whether it means "do not send flowers," or if you are helping plan a service and want to understand how families typically word such requests.
What the site is for
The site is built around a single question: what does "in lieu of flowers" actually mean? Rather than being a flower shop or a donation platform, it collects explanations, etiquette guidance, and expert commentary so visitors can understand how to respond appropriately when someone dies.
Its content centers on:
- The meaning of "in lieu of flowers" and how it differs from other wording
- Sympathy and funeral flower etiquette
- Alternative ways to express condolences, such as donations
- Research and articles on why flowers matter in bereavement
- Links to related informational resources
The key distinction the site makes
The most practical point on the page is the difference between two phrases that are often confused:
| Phrase | What it means | What you can do |
|---|---|---|
| "In lieu of flowers" | Donations are another option; flowers are still welcome | Send flowers, make a donation, or both |
| "Please omit flowers" | A request for no flowers | Choose a donation or another expression of sympathy instead |
According to Steve Schramka of Schramka-Densow Funeral Home in Thiensville, quoted on the site, "in lieu of flowers" does not mean not to send flowers — it simply means donations are an additional option. "Please omit" is the phrasing that asks for no flowers. He also notes that some families choose to say nothing at all, so as not to dictate how others express sympathy.
Why the wording matters
The site frames this as a question of family choice rather than rigid rules. A quoted funeral director, Todd Van Beck, argues that families deserve freedom of expression at a time of death, and that any expression resulting from dictate "ceases to be an act of the heart." In practice, that means the phrase in an obituary is guidance, not a prohibition — you generally still have room to decide how you personally want to express sympathy.
What else you will find
Beyond the core explanation, the site points to supporting material, including:
- Articles on the history of sympathy flowers and their role in funeral services
- Research on how flowers help emotional well-being during bereavement
- Guidance on the ethics and etiquette of expressing sympathy
- A guide to tribute preferences by state and by relationship
- An explanation of common sympathy terminology
- An audio interview from American Public Media on the phrase "in lieu of flowers"
Who it is for
This site is most helpful if you are:
- Reading an obituary and deciding whether to send flowers or make a donation
- Writing a funeral notice and looking for the right wording
- Curious about the etiquette behind sympathy expressions
- Researching the role of flowers in mourning
If you simply want to send flowers or make a donation, you will need a florist or the charity named by the family — this site explains the convention rather than fulfilling it.