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EnglishWhat "In Lieu of Flowers" Means and When It Applies
Updated
"In lieu of flowers" in an obituary or funeral notice means donations are an acceptable alternative to sending flowers—it does not mean flowers are unwelcome. According to InLieuOfFlowers.info, funeral director Steve Schramka of Schramka-Densow Funeral Home in Thiensville explains that the phrase "doesn't mean not to send flowers. It just means that donations are another option." If a family truly wants no flowers at all, the notice will say "please omit" instead. So the practical rule is: you may still send flowers unless the notice explicitly asks you not to, and you may also give to the named charity or fund if you prefer.
The literal meaning and where you see it
The phrase is a shortened form of "in lieu of flowers, please make a donation to..." It appears most often in:
- Obituaries and death notices in newspapers or on funeral home websites
- Funeral service announcements and memorial program cards
- Online tribute pages set up by the family or funeral home
"In lieu of" simply means "instead of" or "in place of." The family is naming an alternative, not issuing a ban.
Does it mean you should not send flowers?
No. This is the most common misunderstanding the site addresses. The phrase signals that a charitable donation is also appropriate—often because the family prefers memorial gifts to a specific cause, or because they anticipate more flowers than they can manage. It leaves the choice to you.
The distinction matters:
| Wording in the notice | What it means for you |
|---|---|
| "In lieu of flowers" | Flowers are still fine; donations are an additional option |
| "Please omit flowers" | The family is requesting no flowers |
| No instruction at all | Send flowers, donate, or offer other sympathy as you see fit |
Why some families choose this wording
Families are not cut from the same mold, and the site quotes funeral director Todd Van Beck: "Families deserve the right of complete freedom of expression at time of death... Any expression which is the result of dictate, ceases to be an act of the heart." In practice, a family may use "in lieu of flowers" because:
- They want to direct memorial gifts to a cause meaningful to the deceased
- They are concerned about the volume of flowers arriving at a service
- They want to give people who cannot attend a way to express sympathy
- They simply want to offer options without dictating how others should grieve
Schramka notes that some families choose to say nothing at all "so as not to dictate how others express their sympathy."
What to do if you see the phrase
- Read the full notice. Look for a named charity, fund, or address. That tells you what the family actually wants.
- Decide what fits you. If you prefer to send flowers, that remains appropriate. If you prefer to donate, use the named recipient.
- If no recipient is named, you can still send flowers or choose a charity connected to the deceased's interests.
- When in doubt, ask the funeral home. They can clarify the family's preference without you having to ask the family directly.
The bottom line
"In lieu of flowers" is an invitation to consider a donation, not a prohibition on flowers. Only "please omit" asks you to skip flowers entirely. Either way, the goal is the same: to express sympathy in a way that feels genuine to you and respectful to the family.