How Can I Tell If Couples Counseling Is Right for My Relationship?

Updated

Couples counseling may be right for your relationship if communication has become repetitive and unproductive, if you keep having the same argument without resolution, or if you feel distant, resentful, or unsure whether the relationship can continue. The practice behind counselingctr.org, led by Dr. Trish Gaffney, D.Min, LCSW-C, CCDC, frames the decision around one question: is it time to do something about your situation? If the answer is yes, the site's "8 Ways to Know You Need Couples Counseling" page and its "Help for Couples" section are the most direct places to check your own experience against common signs.

Signs That Counseling Is Worth Considering

The site does not publish a single checklist, but its couples-focused pages point to recognizable patterns. Use these as prompts for an honest self-assessment rather than a diagnosis:

  • The same fight keeps returning. You resolve a conflict in the moment, but it resurfaces weeks later with the same accusations and the same ending.
  • Conversations end in withdrawal. One or both of you stop talking, leave the room, or go silent rather than risk another escalation.
  • You avoid certain topics entirely. Money, family, intimacy, or parenting have become subjects you route around to keep the peace.
  • Affection and goodwill feel effortful. Compliments, touch, or simple kindness feel like tasks rather than instincts.
  • You feel alone inside the relationship. You are together but not connected, and you have stopped expecting that to change.
  • You are considering leaving, or one of you has mentioned it. Ambivalence about the future is itself a reason to get a structured conversation.
  • A major change is pressing on the relationship. A move, job loss, illness, new child, or grief can strain a couple that was previously steady.
  • You want to prevent a small problem from becoming a permanent pattern. Counseling is not only for crises.

If two or three of these describe your relationship, that is enough to justify a conversation. You do not need to be in crisis, and you do not need to have decided whether to stay.

What the Practice Actually Offers Couples

The site describes relationship support under "Help for Couples," alongside pages on "Relationships" and "Lasting Love: Simple things that matter." The practice's stated orientation is captured in its tagline, "finding hope in every difficult situation," and in the welcome message's emphasis on talking to someone who listens, understands, and has experience with struggle and change.

Dr. Gaffney's listed credentials are D.Min (Doctor of Ministry), LCSW-C (Licensed Clinical Social Worker–Clinical, a Maryland clinical license designation), and CCDC (Certified Chemical Dependency Counselor). The site also lists individual therapy, spiritual direction, anger management material ("Beyond Anger Management"), self-assessments, and a book titled Circle of Life. That range matters for couples: if substance use, anger, or a spiritual or values conflict is part of the picture, the practice advertises relevant background rather than couples work alone.

In-Person vs. Virtual, and How to Schedule

The homepage states plainly that in-person appointments are not yet available, but that several openings exist for virtual sessions. So the practical answer for most readers is: expect to start online.

Scheduling is handled by phone. The site lists (410) 782-0048 and invites you to call after reviewing the site, with the explicit suggestion to "give me a call" if it seems right. There is no online booking form described on the homepage, and no pricing, insurance, or sliding-scale information is published there. Ask about fees, insurance, and cancellation terms on that first call rather than assuming.

A practical first call looks like this:

  1. State the situation in one or two sentences. For example: "We've been having the same argument about money for a year and we've stopped talking about it."
  2. Confirm availability and format. Ask whether virtual sessions are ongoing or temporary, and what platform is used.
  3. Ask about fit. Mention any substance use, anger, or spiritual concerns so you can hear whether the practice is the right setting.
  4. Ask about logistics. Fee, insurance acceptance, session length, and how many sessions are typical before reviewing progress.
  5. Decide together. Both partners should agree before the first appointment; counseling works poorly when one person is attending under pressure.

When Couples Counseling May Not Be the Right First Step

Counseling is a poor fit, or at least not the only need, in some situations:

  • Ongoing violence, threats, or coercion. Couples work can be unsafe when one partner fears the other. Individual support and safety planning come first.
  • An active, untreated addiction. The site's CCDC credential suggests this can be addressed, but couples counseling alone rarely resolves it; ask directly about how substance use would be handled.
  • One partner has already left and will not attend. Individual therapy, which the practice also offers, may be the realistic starting point.
  • You are seeking a verdict. Counseling is not an evaluation that declares a relationship viable or finished; it is a structured space to talk. If you want a decision made for you, clarify that expectation before booking.

A Reasonable Way to Decide

Treat the decision as a low-risk test rather than a commitment. Call the number listed on the site, describe one recurring pattern, and ask what the first few sessions would look like. If the answer sounds workable and both partners are willing, book one session and judge from there. If the answer reveals a mismatch — wrong format, wrong specialty, or a partner who will not participate — you have lost only a phone call, and you now know which kind of help to look for instead.