How can I tell if Sexaholics Anonymous is right for me?

Updated

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) does not claim its program is for everyone, so the honest answer is that only you can decide whether it fits. What the official site offers is a way to check: a self-test built around whether your sexual thinking or behavior has felt out of control or destructive, plus a clear statement of who the fellowship is for and how it defines sobriety. If the test questions describe your experience, SA invites you to look further at its solution and meetings.

Start with the self-test

The site's "Take the Test" section asks a single framing question that opens into a set of questions: Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior? The follow-up questions are meant to help you see whether any of them describe your experience.

The test is not a diagnosis or a score you pass or fail. It is a mirror. The useful move is to read each question slowly and notice which ones you recognize, rather than rushing to a verdict.

What the questions are really asking

The site's own framing points to two signals:

  • Loss of control — being "hooked and cannot stop."
  • Destructiveness — sex with yourself or with someone other than your spouse becoming destructive.

The "Need Help?" section puts it as three plain questions:

  • Has sex with self or with someone other than your spouse become destructive?
  • Are you hooked and cannot stop?
  • Do you long to be happy, joyous and free?

If you answer yes to the first two and want the third, that is the profile SA is describing.

Who SA says it is for

SA describes itself as "a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover." It is a fellowship "with a solution to the problems of lust, sex, and pornography addiction."

Two limits matter here:

  • SA does not speak for people outside SA, and it does not claim its program works for everybody.
  • It speaks only for itself: "for us, it works."

So the test is not asking whether you match a universal category. It is asking whether you identify with the problem this particular fellowship describes.

How SA defines sobriety

This is the part most likely to tell you whether you belong, because the definition is specific. SA states that in defining sobriety it does not speak for those outside the fellowship. For the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse.

If that definition fits what you are looking for, the program's language will likely make sense to you. If it does not, that is useful information too — it may mean SA is not the right fit, not that your problem is not real.

A practical way to decide

If this describes you Reasonable next step
You recognize yourself in the test questions and the sobriety definition Read "Our Problem & Solution" and find a meeting near you
You are unsure whether your behavior is destructive Sit with the test questions and revisit them; the site also offers an introduction and videos
You are a woman wondering if you belong The site has a Women's Packet and a Women and SA page
The sobriety definition does not match what you want SA may not be the right fit; the site is explicit that it does not claim to be for everyone

The site also provides a meeting participation statement and a printable welcome brochure, which are worth reading before attending so you know what to expect.

What SA does not do

The site does not present SA as a universal answer, does not diagnose you, and does not promise outcomes for people outside the fellowship. Its claim is narrow and first-person: this is our problem, this is our solution, and it works for us. Your job is simply to check whether you identify with the problem as described.