How Does Sexaholics Anonymous Define Sexual Sobriety?

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) defines sexual sobriety, for the married sexaholic, as having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. The organization states this definition as its own position and explicitly does not speak for those outside SA. If you are trying to understand whether SA's standard matches your situation, the key point is that SA treats sobriety as a specific behavioral boundary, not a general feeling of being "better" or "in control."

The Core Definition

According to SA's Statement of Principle on its website, the definition is stated plainly:

"For the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse."

Two elements matter here:

• No sex with self — masturbation is excluded from sobriety.
• No sex with persons other than the spouse — for married members, sexual activity is confined to the spouse.

SA frames this as a boundary that applies to its own members who identify with the problem. It does not claim the definition is universal.

SA Speaks Only for Itself

SA is explicit that it does not define sobriety for anyone outside the fellowship:

"In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for ourselves."

This matters if you are comparing SA to other recovery approaches. SA is not asserting that its definition is the only valid one — it is describing the standard its members use. If your circumstances differ (for example, you are not married), SA's literature and meetings are where the fellowship addresses those situations; the website's summary focuses on the married case.

What SA Is

SA describes itself as "a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover." It identifies the problem as "lust, sex, and pornography addiction."

The program is built on the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, the same framework used by other twelve-step fellowships. Recovery in SA is described as mutual: members share what has worked for them and help others do the same.

How to Tell If SA Fits You

SA provides a self-assessment on its site ("Take the Test") with questions such as whether you have ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior. The site also asks:

• Has sex with self or with someone other than your spouse become destructive?
• Are you hooked and cannot stop?
• Do you long to be happy, joyous and free?

If those questions describe your experience and SA's definition of sobriety matches the boundary you are willing to adopt, the next step the site recommends is attending a meeting. SA offers a "Find a Meeting" tool, newcomer materials, and a women's packet.

Key Takeaways

SA does not claim its solution is for everybody — its own statement says, "We don't claim it's for everybody, but for us, it works." The practical test is whether you identify with the problem as SA describes it and whether its definition of sobriety is one you can accept as your own.