What Is a Bonusfamily and Why "Bonus" Instead of "Step"?

A bonusfamily is a stepfamily in structure but not in definition: it does not depend on the parents being married, and it only becomes "bonus" when every parent figure — including exes — commits to cooperating for the sake of the children in their care. Bonus Families, the nonprofit behind the term, uses "bonus" instead of "step" because "step" carries negative associations (wicked, evil, second best), while "bonus" reframes the same family structure around love, empathy, and respect for differences.

The Definition: Stepfamily Structure, Without the Marriage Requirement

Bonus Families draws the distinction this way: technically, a bonusfamily is a stepfamily, but it is not dependent on the parents being married. A conventional stepfamily usually assumes marriage as the organizing fact. A bonusfamily can include married parents, but the label does not hinge on a marriage certificate.

That matters for the many combined families formed after divorce or separation, where adults may be cohabiting, dating, or co-parenting across two households without remarrying. Under the bonusfamily definition, those families are not a lesser version of a stepfamily — they are the thing itself.

"Bonus" Is a State of Mind, Not a Sweeter Word for "Step"

The site is explicit that "bonus" is not just a fluffy substitute for "step." It describes a commitment:

• Each member of the family has to commit to working together to achieve bonus status.
• When that happens, the titles shift: step mom becomes bonus mom, step dad becomes bonus dad, step sister and step brother become bonus sister and bonus brother.
• The same logic extends to "my bonus daughter" or "my bonus son."

In other words, "bonus" is earned through cooperation rather than assigned by role. A stepmom who has not reached that cooperative state is still a stepmom; the bonus title reflects how the family actually operates.

Why Bonus Families Rejected "Step"

The organization's stated reason is the weight the word carries. "Step" is commonly read as implying negative things — wicked, evil, second best. Bonus Families points to the phrase "red-headed stepchild," whose meaning is clear enough: a person who is neglected, mistreated, or unwanted.

Rather than keep patching a term with that baggage, the organization decided to scrap the old concept of step and offer a new model based in love, empathy, and respect for all differences. As the site puts it, bonus is "a step in the right direction."

Who Is Behind the Term

Dr. Jann Blackstone, founder of Bonus Families, coined "bonus" — as in bonus family or bonus parent — over 30 years ago specifically to address the negative connotation associated with living as a stepfamily. She specializes in divorce, child custody, co-parenting, and stepfamily mediation, and is described as the "Relationship Expert for Today's Relationships" for her real-life, down-to-earth approach to co-parenting problem solving. She is also the author of books on divorce and parenting, including Co-Parenting For Dummies.

What This Means in Practice

If you are in the middle of what the site calls "stepwars," the bonus model may sound impossible. The organization's own answer is that it is possible, but only through the commitment of all the parent figures — exes included — to cooperate for the children. The practical test is not what you call each other, but whether the adults are actually working together.